I should warn you that I’m about to reveal groundbreaking new conclusions from a recently released, high-profile scientific study.

Are you ready? Make sure you’re sitting down, ’cause this is big.

OK, here it is: Cats kill birds.

No, no. I’ll give you time to digest that information. I know it can be mind-blowing to anyone who, say, has never owned a cat, or watched Sylvester and Tweetie go at it during a Looney Tunes cartoon, or has been living on a deserted, cat-free island for the entirety of their lives.

I imagine their next study will finally answer the burning and oft-asked question concerning where bears go to the bathroom.

But according to the research, those cute and furry felines apparently kill between 1.4 and 3.7 billion birds and 6.9-20.7 billion mammals every year in the continental United States.

Although the report placed most of the blame on feral and stray cats, its authors suggested pet cats played a role, too, prompting some folks to consider a ban on outdoor cats in their communities altogether.

It’s something I’ve thought about over the years as well, especially whenever I’ve had to buy a licence for my dog. Dog owners everywhere have to pay fees for the animal they — if they are good, respectful owners — keep on a leash and clean up after. Meanwhile, any yahoo can bring home a kitty, give him a cute name like Captain Fuzzypants, and set him loose upon the outdoor world to mass kill birds, little critters and poop in my flower bed.

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I love cats and have owned a few in my lifetime. But there’s some neighbourhood tabby that habitually tears up my backyard garden every year that is really testing my love for animals. I wonder if there’s a study covering how many petunias cats kill every year in the continental U.S.? Maybe I should try and get a government grant to study the problem.

It’s unclear how to really take the results of the study, in my opinion anyway.

I mean, what would it be like if those between 1.4 and 3.7 billion birds and 6.9-20.7 billion mammals hadn’t been eaten or offered up at our doorsteps by good ’ol Fuzzypants? We’d be washing our cars a lot more… for one thing… what with all those birds overhead.

In the end, and until such a thing as a ban is put in place, it really is up to each individual owner to decide if kitty’s nocturnal hunting trips are a good thing, or if your furry friend needs to stay inside for his and other animals’ safety.

In the meantime, I’ll be keeping watch over my petunias with a squirt bottle.