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Are your children's wish lists too long?

How to manage children’s gift expectations at Christmas
Kid
Managing children's gift expectations can be challenging during the holiday season.

The holiday season is a wonderful time, but it can be fraught with worry if children are expecting more than parents or caregivers can – or want – to give.

Left unchecked, Christmas wish lists can run wild, leaving pressurized parents feeling stressed over how they’ll have time or money to meet the demands. Setting a few ground rules – though perhaps difficult at first – may help in the long run.

Lisa McIntosh, a child care resource and referral consultant in Squamish, has more than 20 years’ experience working with children and also has two of her own. She believes starting good habits young pays dividends in the future. “The rule for my kids, because this is how I grew up, was there are so many children in the world that Santa has the ability to bring only one gift to every child.”

She encouraged her children to ask for just one thing, something they would really love. “Now they’re 12 years and 15 years. It’s become known that there’s just one special gift and a stocking.”

Kerston Beattie, a mother, grandmother and the owner of Fiddleheads Childcare, does the same. “I have always told my children that Santa only brings one thing. So when you’re writing a letter… include only the things you really want, because he’s only going to pick one.”

McIntosh also suggests something she heard just this year: “‘Something I want, something I need, something I wear and something I read’ – it’s a great little catchphrase that would help guide children’s wish lists or make them think about what they ask for.” It also supports literacy, one of McIntosh’s passions.

Fiona Miller, a mother of two, adopts something similar. “Normally we just have something to wear, a game and some books,” she says. “Because we’ve never gone completely overboard, they haven’t got to the stage where they’re demanding anything.”

Kurumi Ichike, also a mother, says, “If the kids want multiple stuff, I’ll probably just pick the best one. If they fuss I’ll tell them Santa only has one of each gift and has to share them out. If you’re lucky and nobody else wants your second best one, you might get that one.”

 

Choosing the ‘right’ experiences

 

Taking part in fun, family experiences extends the magic for longer, and helps children understand there’s more to Christmas than just gifts. In Squamish there’s enough to fill every day with something different this season, but be careful not to get caught up in the frenzy of magical-Christmas-activity-overload, especially with little ones, says McIntosh. Instead of cramming in back-to-back activities (which can be over-whelming for some), McIntosh suggests people pay attention to how much each child can handle developmentally.

“Know that all that stimulation is going to backfire on you,” she cautions. “Then there’s disappointment and stress for families. Just choose wisely and appropriately for what you want your children to experience.”

Slowing down your time and your energy, she suggests, is one of the greatest gifts this Christmas. “It’s about time and giving time, and doing what’s personally important to you or what you love to do.”

Families, especially mothers, can feel pressure to give their children all the experiences possible, she says. “If they miss an opportunity, they feel their child is affected for life. From my experience, kids get it if it’s explained to them. I think parents have to have the ability or strength to just be honest and say, ‘This isn’t something we’re going to do because it’s not important to us, and it’s not something that I think we have to do just because everyone else is doing it.’”

Instead, do what feels right for you and your family. “If you love to bake, then share that Christmas recipe with your children,” she suggests. “I only make butter tarts at Christmas and it’s just become a thing. My kids are like, ‘It’s Christmas! Mom’s got the butter tarts out!’”

Fun things families can do together in Squamish include eagle watching, hiking, hunting for greenery for homemade decorations, visiting friends and family, baking, putting up the tree, dancing to Christmas music, playing family games, making gifts for others, visiting Christmas light displays and having fun in the snow.

 

Instill the joy of giving

 

Christmas can provide a great opportunity to introduce selflessness to children.

“My kids and I have always packed for Community Christmas Care,” says McIntosh. “It’s just that recognition of, wow, we’re lucky. Other people in the community need help and we can help them. It doesn’t cost anything.”

Last year she also introduced random acts of kindness. While out with her family she noticed a particularly cold-looking Salvation Army bell ringer. “My son said ‘We should get her hot chocolate,’ so we went to Tim Hortons, got a dozen hot chocolates and just drove around looking for the ringers and handed them hot chocolate.”

Opportunities like that, she believes, decrease that tangible want of consumerism.

Local mother Lisa Park takes part in ‘elfing’ among her neighbours. Anonymous baskets of goodies are left on doorsteps and recipients are encouraged to spread the kindness by making baskets of their own for others.

Jolene Austin, from Austin Childcare, explains how her family helps local people in need. “We encourage them to give back to the community and understand that there are others who don’t have as much as they do. We also give lots to the food bank.”

Other ideas include visiting an elderly neighbor together, volunteering for a local charity, babysitting for a friend, or just having the children help around the house in preparation for Christmas.

Christmas has an expensive reputation, but before you get caught up in gift-giving madness, just remember, the most valuable currency is time. It’s how you spend it that matters.

 

 

Other suggestions

·       Consider buying (and hiding away) Christmas presents throughout the year, to minimize the big spending hit in December

·       Lisa Parks encourages re-gifting to your really little ones. “I’ll hide something he hasn’t seen in a while and then wrap it up and let him open it in the morning.”

·       If your child would like a gift from you that you cannot afford, you could ask him or her to save for it and pay half of the cost.

·       Try making rather than buying gifts. Thanks to social media and the Internet, there’s no shortage of ideas. Plus it’s something you can do as a family.

·       If you’d like to give experiences rather than gifts, try creating a coupon book for the family. Each page is a different promise of something you’ll do together, from ice skating, to toasting marshmallows, or watching Frozen while curled up in front of the fire.

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