Editor’s note: To protect the identity of the minor involved in this story, The Chief has changed the name of the grandmother.
Squamish grandmother Margaret Cole wrings her hands and her eyes fill with tears as she talks about being denied access to her two-year-old grand daughter.
Cole’s son who is the father of the child, is estranged from the girl’s mother, who has now restricted access to the paternal grandparents.
Cole has seen her granddaughter, who lives outside of Squamish, twice in the last year.
She misses being a part of the little girl’s life. “I just want to look at her and hold her and watch her do things,” she said. “She liked to run… and she would run into my arms.”
Cole’s ex-husband who is the grandfather of the child, has rarely seen his granddaughter since she was born, Cole said.
Parental alienation, when one parent, often the custodial parent, alienates the child from his parent or other relatives, can occur in families after a death or divorce.
This situation is not uncommon and painful to all involved.
“What I want to get across is how much pain they are [causing] other people,” Cole said. “I think children need to know their extended family.”
About 1.2 million separated or divorced Canadians have children 18 years old or younger, according to Statistics Canada.
“In thousands of homes across Canada, when the custodial parent is determined to end any association with the ex and with their family and initiates action within the custodial parent’s home to alienate the child… this is often the start of a long struggle,” reads The Child’s Right to Love, a booklet put out by an advocacy group for grandparents called, the Canadian Grandparents Rights Association.
“One set of grandparents loses access to their grandchild, and often never sees that child again. That is grandparent – elder – abuse.”
Studies have shown that children with bonds to their grandparents suffer fewer behavior and emotional problems. They also have a buffer against life stresses such as difficulties with friends or the break up of their parents.
The number of grandparents denied access in B.C. is difficult to track down, but advocates say in Ontario there are approximately 75,000 grandparents who have limited or no access to their grandkids.
Michael Mantha, NDP member of the Legislative Assembly of Ontario fought successfully to pass a bill (Bill 34) that amends existing laws in that province to specifically name grandparents as able to apply for access or custody of a grandchild.
It was just the right thing to do, he told The Chief. “With today’s hustle and bustle of two parents working all the time and daycare, it is really important where that relationship had been established, in order to give those values and that guidance and support to children, to make sure they have all the tools they need to be successful in society,” he said.
Mantha acknowledged that sometimes it may not be in the best interest of the child to see the grandparents: in cases where there has been abuse or neglect, for example. “Let’s be very honest here. Not all grandparents are fit to care,” he said, but added the consideration should at least be made about whether it is in the best interest of the child to see their grandparents or not.
In B.C., grandparents can apply for a court order that allows them to see the child through what is called “contact with a child” under provincial family law.
Grandparents will have to show that it is in the grandchild’s best interest to have contact.
If the parents of the child are in the process of getting a divorce, grandparents can apply for access under the federal Divorce Act.
Grandparents who want to become guardians of their grandchildren can apply for a court order asking to change guardianship. The court bases its decision on the best interests of the child, according to the Legal Services Society website.
Cole said she has contacted a lawyer to determine her next steps in getting access to her granddaughter. “I am going to fight, and fight and fight,” she said.
