Let’s go on a fantasy journey here with a group of irreverent Brackendale coffee-shop pundits who, with tongues planted firmly in their cheeks, figure the shiniest part of the Shining Valley should secede from the District of Squamish.
After downing a round of java, the members of this imaginary assembly announce they’re fed up with the proliferation of taxpayer-funded boutique projects, including pricy welcome and wayfaring signage and blue trees.
Forget about all that “hardwired for adventure” spin, they advise. What this municipality is hardwired for is endless handwringing over downtown renewal, constant tax hikes, parking hassles and growing civil unrest in the Squamish Public Library.
The crystal-ball-gazing group of Brackendalians say they are clued in to the fact that the District of Squamish’s crown jewel, the Oceanfront Development, has already cost taxpayers close to $12 million just to get up to speed. They know the megaproject is located on a windswept peninsula, smack dab in the path of the surging waters of Howe Sound of the Pacific Ocean.
Twenty years from now, given the ravages of climate change, instead of luxuriating in their trendy oceanfront condos, residents could be piloting submarines in what was slated to be a vibrant Granville Island knockoff at the top of Howe Sound.
Recently the district installed four new outhouses at the eagle viewing area on Government Road. According to our café prognosticators, that token gesture may provide some momentary relief for visitors and locals alike, but what is really required are sidewalks in Brackendale and upgrades to an aging dike system that is akin to an array of oversized pasta sieves.
Our caffeine-infused oracles say the recent federal budget pledges substantial lucre for community infrastructure upgrades. So, why not get a piece of the action by offering our prime minister the opportunity to take a few selfies with the unicorn in front of the Brackendale Art Gallery?
After another java infusion, our amply caffeinated visionaries announce that Brackendale could easily make a go of it alone. The area already greets visitors with the “World Eagle Capital” moniker on welcome signage. Brackendale would also benefit from taking the orphaned Garibaldi at Squamish four-season resort project under its wing. That ambitious venture, spurned by our district council and vilified by the Resort Municipality of Whistler, has the potential to provide a significant municipal tax top-up and provide major employment. And plenty of housing will soon be available for a growing population once the 750-unit Cheekye Fan development is completed.
Any time now, banners bearing the following slogan will be hoisted aloft throughout the community: “Brackendalians unite, it’s time to shuck the District of Squamish albatross and stand on your own two feet!”
