Picture the scene: a 10-month-old baby crawls over to a pair of three-year-old boys, both wearing jeans and suspenders. The baby boy flops down on his stomach and looks up at one of the boys, eying the book in the older boy’s hand. Meanwhile, the baby’s twin unexpectedly bursts into tears a few feet away.
This wasn’t a moment in the day of a Squamish daycare, it was a get-together of the Sea to Sky Multiples group held at the The Ledge Café last Thursday afternoon.
The group was started by Marcia Kent, a mother to five-year-old twin boys.
“[The group] stemmed from wanting to find others who understood what it was like to carry twins, raise twins, and to support one another,” Kent said.
The group currently boasts 58 sets of twins.
As their children played, parents formed small groups and chatted, heads close together in intense conversation, sometimes sharing a hearty laugh. It was clear the parents were as happy, or more so, than their children to come together.
Parenting double has unimagined joys, many parents said, but it also has challenges that are hard for other “regular” parents to understand.
For Theresa Thomson, mother to twins Summer and Joel, 5, and older son Dylan, 8, being a parent is something she cherishes every single day and wouldn’t change for the world, she said. And yet there are unique challenges, especially having an older child who must share the spotlight with his attention-getting siblings.
As her twins leaned against their mom,Dylansat playing a video game nearby. “I always feel left out,” he said, with a bit of a coy grin.
If people come up to Thomson in public while she is out with her trio, they sometimes comment on the duo, leaving the oldest child out, she said.
And living in a house with a pair can be overwhelming.
“It is hard for him sometimes,” Thomson said. “He is the most patient eight-year-old child in the world.”
Thomson said her biggest challenge isn’t giving each child equal attention; rather, it’s adjusting to not having children at home now that all three are in school. “The first time I went grocery shopping without these two, I had tears running down my face,” she said. “It was so lonely.”
For Matt Bjornson, a single father of three-year-old fraternal twins Connor and Logan, the challenges of parenting are compounded by going it alone after separating from the boys’ mother and a recent diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder of one twin.
“I don’t know how I do it,” he said, wiping the sweat of his brow after running to catch his son Connor, who was tottering up the stairs. The boys have recently reverted to getting up every few hours at night, though not at the same time.
“The last couple of weeks have been really hard,” Bjornson said.
He and the boys’ mother split up when the boys were two years old, but they share the challenges and the joys of parenting.
“My ex is great, we work really well together and everything,” he said, adding that they share custody.
About 28 per cent of parents of multiples break up, compared with 24 per cent of other families, according to a 2010 study.
The struggle of making couple time was something many parents in the group acknowledged.
Thomson said it is important to not let the stress of parenting multiples take over –and to have date nights.
“We put them to bed, have wine, and talk,” she said.
Kent said that for all the ups and downs, the dominant feeling most parents in the group have is gratitude, especially when they think of those in the community who have faced loss.
“We realize how precious and special twin bonds are, both for moms carrying twins or an infant who goes on in life without their twin. I really would like those families to feel included and know that there isn't a day that doesn't go by that I'm not grateful, and I'm forever thinking of those that have heavy hearts with their losses,” she said.
As the multiples gathering came to an end, children and parents waved good-bye to their twin friends, promising to meet again soon.
The Sea to Sky Multiples group can be found on Facebook.
