Men don’t cry; men don’t need to work out their feelings; men aren’t held accountable for their actions. These are the types of societal myths that keep men from sharing their inner struggles with each other and often even their life partners, according to Squamish’s Ross Tayler.
“I have encountered men who would rather die than share what is going on for them with their wives,” Tayler said.
“As a culture, we have this stereotype of what a man is and I think it is this almost unconscious, ‘I am a provider, I must do certain things, and I can’t have emotions and I can’t be this.’ We have kind of lost a sense of ourselves as everything has shifted and changed in the world.”
Tayler is looking to revitalize the Squamish Sharing Circle for Men he founded in March of 2014, but that group has stopped meeting because the group couldn’t find a consistent and neutral place to meet in the district.
When men come together and can share, Tayler said, it is a transformative experience.
“Really it is quite a magical experience because when you come together with other men, just to share, there’s things that happen that aren’t really explained,” he said.
“What we supply is a consistent agenda that creates a space for sharing. That sharing is not really of a therapeutic nature, it is really just about sharing with other men and doing ‘men’s work,’ having a safe place to talk about those things that need to be talked about.”
He started the group because he wanted to be a part of a sharing circle.
Tayler said he was having personal struggles and was driving on Vancouver Island in Sept 2012 when he saw a sign about a men’s circle meeting. He drove to the library and started researching men’s sharing circles. He attended his first meeting on the island a few months later.
“The bottom line for me is about becoming accountable for my actions in the world and having a dialogue around that,” he said.
For some men, it is entirely new to share their feelings, Tayler said.
“Not just new, but really freaking hard,” he said.
“Sure, guys come together and they connect through sports and they connect through common interests, but we don’t talk about feelings, we don’t talk about the struggles that we are having.”
For more information on the group go to www.squamishmen.org or call Tayler at 778-266-0100.
