It came as a terrible shock.
On April 28, 2015, Squamish’s Belinda Grant arrived at Squamish Hospital to give birth to her first child.
It had been an uneventful pregnancy and the idea that something could be wrong never entered her head, she says. In fact, she was so confident everything was fine, she sent her husband away to Ikea to get some last minute supplies.
But things were not OK.
Her daughter, Elladee May Grant, was stillborn.
“It was awful and confusing and angry — and all these things,” she said. “It was really tough, obviously."
Stillbirths made up about one percent of deliveries in Canada in 2016, the most recent year Statistics Canada numbers are available. Though not a regular occurrence, the numbers mean that thousands of expectant parents experience this loss each year. The causes of many stillbirths are unknown.
Grant has organized a Squamish Wave of Light Ceremony for Oct. 15 that will correspond with International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.
The ceremony is meant for those who have suffered the loss of a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), or the death of a newborn.
Our culture does not fully support bereaved parents or even fully acknowledge this type of loss, Grant said, noting she hadn't really ever heard much about it or thought about it before she experienced it.
The lack of education makes the pain of the loss even more traumatic because families don’t know what to do or where to turn with their grief, she said. And mothers may suffer with feelings of guilt and depression.
“I just really feel that something has to give, something has to be allowed and support has to be there for the families to be able to grieve — for the moms to be able to grieve in their own way,” she said. “We need to remember. [These children] are real. I gave birth to my daughter.”
U.S. president Ronald Reagan first declared October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month on Oct. 25, 1988.
B.C. followed in 2005.
In July, Grant went before Squamish council and asked that the District recognize and proclaim Oct. 15 Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day in the Squamish. The motion was approved.
Grant stressed that she considers herself lucky. She has a loving and supportive partner, family and friends who rallied around her and she had doctors and nurses who showed her kindness and compassion.
But there are those who go through this loss and don’t have those gifts, she said.
“All the single mothers that go through this,” she said, adding since losing her daughter she has heard many sad stories from other mothers who were not as fortunate.
The upcoming event is a way to help other women and families, she said, and also part of something she promised her daughter as a way of remembering her.
Since Elladee's death, Grant and her husband have welcomed a healthy baby boy, Tyler, who is now 11 months old.
The pregnancy and delivery were tough, Grant acknowledged, because she was so panic-stricken the same thing would happen as with her daughter. She said the support of her Squamish doctors got her through as they listened to her concerns day and night.
Of course, a second child doesn’t negate the loss of her first.
“I think of her every day,” Grant said.
The Oct. 15 Squamish Wave of Light Ceremony will be at Rose Park, beginning at 6:30 p.m. with the Wave of Light portion starting at 7 p.m.
Attendees are asked to bring a candle to light in remembrance.
Hot drinks will be provided, but bring a mug from home.
As is the custom, the candles will be lit at 7 p.m. and they stay lit for one hour “to continue the wave of light across the world,” Grant said.
“We will remember and acknowledge all the beautiful babies taken too soon.”
Doctors from Mountain Maternity will be at the ceremony to offer any support if needed.
The Squamish Adventure Centre will be lit in pink and blue to join other communities across Canada marking the occasion.
Go to Squamish Wave of Light Ceremony on Facebook for more information.
