It’s refreshing when people are real.
This occurred when I asked someone how they were doing – as I did a couple weeks ago – and got more than an “I’m great, thanks for asking!” or “Fine, thanks, you?”
Recently I was in a friend’s shop and stopped to chat with another mom, a woman I know casually at best.
“How are you?” I asked.
She paused. I looked past the wry smile she attempted to make. We connected. I saw her and she noticed.
“Well,” she started. “You know… tough.”
“Yeah.” Of course I knew. We all know. We all feel it. It is tough. Life is tough. Motherhood is tough. Parenting is a slog. Sure we have moments of joy and laughter and gratitude. And it’s also really, well, tough.
Her eyes grew moist. She waved at the invisible, dense air between us.
“I mean, it’s okay. Nothing is really wrong. I’m just tired. I don’t feel like I’ve slept in four years.”
Her kids are half the age of mine. I refrained from blurting out loud what the bitter, sleep-deprived devil on my shoulder was egging me on to say… “Better get used to it, sister.”
Instead I hugged her and said again: “I know.”
I’m still getting a crappy night’s sleep between one night owl who regularly crawls into my arms around midnight, and her sister who is determined to catch the first worm of the morning, every morning.
Yes. We’re tired. I think we are all tired. I wonder if it’s because, by and large, we are all doing this alone. They say it takes a village to raise a child, yet my cohort is mostly made up of “orphans.” Scant few of my friends grew up in this town, and those who did – well, not all of them have parents to lean on. Grandparents are a rare commodity in these parts. We are in the trenches of child rearing. Many of us are just treading water some days.
So, when another mom or dad looks at you and takes the brave plunge to honestly convey what’s really going on for them, do yourself a solid and get real right along with them. Listen to one another. Go ahead and commiserate. Strategize. Talk things through. Organize, like the mistreated, underappreciated workers that you are!
You may just find yourselves making plans for a play date that allows the kids to occupy themselves while you enjoy a much needed coffee and adult conversation. Perhaps you can do a bit of tag-team park play and errand running. Maybe one of you can make enough dinner for two families one night this week, while your friend repays the favour the next. A night without having to cook and not having to attempt the gauntlet of public dining? How heavenly would that be?
Imagine the good things that could come out of collaboration with your weary and weathered comrades with babes in arms.
Maybe all it takes is stepping back for a moment and pausing before answering that little question: “How are you?” And simply getting real.
