They came from faraway places and from within the Sea to Sky Corridor. They talked about self-hate, rejection by friends and family, even attempted suicides.
From the breadth of their experiences, sometimes it was hard to believe there were only five people on the panel for the second annual Safe ’n’ Sound Conference.
The event, called Stories, was held at the Eagle Eye Theatre on Saturday afternoon, and while it was public, the panel was designed to provide a safe environment, with no cameras or recording devices and a certain level of anonymity.
One gay man who had moved from Ireland to Vancouver talked about how he came out only at age 32 while at acting school and, despite having lots of support, still felt such self-loathing that he tried to commit suicide in a heirloom sports car his father was saving for him.
A young lesbian woman, originally from Squamish but now living in the city, was initially rejected by family, became depressed and had to be hospitalized. She said there had been little support along the lines of Safe ’n’ Sound when she had come out during high school only a few years earlier.
“Growing up in a small town as gay is very difficult,” she said.
One young person in the corridor transitioning from female to male appeared with his mother to talk about the challenges their family faces, even down to such details as gender-neutral washrooms at school and other public facilities.
Perhaps the most gut-wrenching story came from the Jamaican man who fled his home and ended up in Vancouver because he feared for his safety.
“I only have one regret, and that is not moving here sooner,” he said.
The man recounted how he had been molested for years by an adult, then was accused of doing the same thing. He talked about how his house had been stoned and car vandalized, how he had been beaten and literally scarred, even how he is still unable to come out to his family for fear of repercussions against them back home. At one point as he shared his story Saturday he was so overcome, he had to leave the theatre for several minutes.
The group also spoke about how some things have improved leading to a growing acceptance. One common sentiment was how much they had been inspired by keynote speaker Chris Bolton, also known as the Unstoppable Conni Smudge.
“She gives me permission to be whoever I want to be,” he said.
Bolton opened the event by slowly getting into his drag character, pulling out his outfit, wigs and various accessories. Over the course of his talk, he began to apply make-up and slowly transition into Conni.
He spoke about his early life, often spent rifling through his mom’s closet for dresses and shoes, his challenges such as asthma, his desire to perform and how the people he looked up to were women. He also touched on later difficulties like coming out and how he was inspired to become the person he is supposed to be by friend and fellow drag performer Rick Myers, also known as Vikki Smudge.
“You can be a second-rate somebody else, or you can be a first-rate yourself,” Bolton said.
He closed by singing a Smudge-flavoured version of “You’ve Got a Friend,” which he refashioned into “You’ve Got a Smudge,” then posed for pictures and chatted with people at the conference.
In addition to the Stories conference, Safe ’n’ Sound has been active this past year in providing events and resources such as the Sounding Room meeting each month at the Squamish Public Library, where LGBTQ people in the area can get together, especially as many can still find life here difficult.
“Some of use are still struggling to be authentic with who we are,” said Margo Dent, one of the organizers.
