Talking about it is still often taboo, and that is part of the problem that leads to suicide, according to experts in the mental health field.
There have been approximately 17 suicides in Squamish since Jan. 1, 2011, and another nine in the Whistler-Pemberton area in that time, according to Barb McLintock, coroner, with the B.C. Coroners Service.
Suicide has long been one of the top causes of death in the country, according to Statistics Canada.
Talking to teens about suicide can be something parents dread, but opening up dialogue is just what parents need to do, according to Squamish psychotherapist Laila Presotto of Elaho Medical Clinic in Squamish.
Presotto works with numerous teens aged 12 to 16 and said many youth think there is something wrong with them because they have thoughts of suicide or other dark thoughts.
“Adolescence is a time of great inner conflict and struggle as a result of the changing brain. We need to invite the conflict and confusion that’s happening on the inside,” she said.
Parents should not to be afraid to bring up topics like suicide, cutting, or depression out of fear it will make their teens think about it more, or suddenly act on their thoughts. “One hundred per cent no,” Presotto said.
Nicole McRae, youth counsellor with Sea to Sky Community Services, agrees and said it is best to be blunt and clear. If parents are worried their teen is suicidal, they should ask the question straight up: “Are you thinking of killing yourself?”
“If you have just had a conversation with someone and you have said, ‘Are you thinking of killing yourself?’ the next step is picking up the phone if they say yes and say, we are going to get you some help,” said McRae, who also facilitates mini-workshops on suicide for teens in the corridor. “That is what 911 is for, that is what the hospital here is for,” she said. “They could also call a crisis line together, or drive to a clinic or the emergency centre instead of having an ambulance arrive, which can be traumatic. It’s good to give people options in that circumstance.”
She said sometimes family or friends might feel the suicidal person isn’t serious, but they should get help regardless. “If someone is actually saying that they are going to kill themselves, even if you don’t think that they are going to do so, they are reaching out for help,” she said.
Ultimately, McRae said, typically people who attempt suicides don’t want to die – they want their pain to stop.
McRae said the three steps if someone suspects a loved one or friend is suicidal are: ask, listen and go get help.
The Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention reports that common warning signs include sudden weight gain or loss, expression of a sense of hopelessness or futility, making a will, writing or posting stories about suicide – including on Facebook – and actually making threats of suicide. Watch for a change in the person. (For a full list, go to suicideprevention.ca.)
These warning signs apply to anyone, not just teens. In fact, the rate of suicide is highest in people in their 50s, according to Statistics Canada.
Sometimes friends and family can do everything right, however, and the loved one may still choose to die.
”It is not your fault. It is a decision they have made. Sometimes you can do everything – as a supporter – right and that person is still going to choose to do that,” McRae said.
“We can learn from it, and learn how we would handle it differently and learn to let go of it.”
For mental health concerns that are less urgent, McRae said the first line of defence for parents worried about their teen is to go to the doctor, with the teen, and discuss the concerns.
“The doctor can walk through a number of different options,” she said. (This applies to adults too.)
McRae said if a teen is concerned about his or her own mental health, but doesn’t want mom and dad to know, going to a clinic and seeing a doctor alone is a reasonable option.
“Youth need to know and get it reinforced, just because you go to the doctor, you don’t have to go with your parent… you have that right to privacy,” she said. "The [doctor] will honour that.”
Presotto said her best advice for parents wanting to talk to their teens is that they put parenting on the back burner. “Draw them out first and parent second,” she said.
“We have to think about the ways we don’t invite teens to share.”
Parents can sometimes be flippant or dismissive in their response to their teen’s concerns. The best thing to do is remain calm, whatever the topic, and ask questions. If the dialogue stays open, a teen is more likely to talk to the parent when things are going wrong.
If parents have overreacted in the past or not invited their teens to share, it is not too late.
“Go back and repair,” Presotto said, adding parents can acknowledge they didn’t handle a situation well, ask for patience and try again to listen and not judge.
To inquire about the Sea to Sky Suicide Awareness and Prevention Group’s mini-workshops, call 604-849-2252 or email [email protected].
