Some would argue that our greatest role as parents is to help raise our children to become independent, self-sufficient adults. Sure, we want them to be happy and emotionally balanced, but at the end of the day if they aren’t able to find and keep a job, get themselves to and from work, and meet basic fiscal responsibilities like paying rent and bills on time, then perhaps we’ve let them down.
Millennials seem to be struggling en masse, and it’s not their fault. Parenting in general has taken a curious turn, hasn’t it? We’ve lost our confidence. We are afraid to let our children walk to school or to a friend’s house in the same neighbourhood. We don’t permit them to ride public transit alone, and few would ever dream of letting their teenager out for the evening without their umbilical cord, er… cell phone.
If it were legal to microchip our toddlers with GPS, I know a few parents who would leap at the chance.
But why is this? Despite what sensationalized media would have us believe, the incidence of abductions – almost all of which are entirely at the hands of non-custodial parents – has actually decreased in recent decades.
An article from the New York Times in May 2011 boasted the headline “Steady Decline in Major Crime Baffles Experts,” and shared some astounding stats from the FBI: “The number of violent crimes in the United States dropped significantly last year, to what appeared to be the lowest rate in nearly 40 years.”
So much for stranger danger. According to recent American Bureau of Justice Statistics, of all children under age five murdered from 1976-2005, only three per cent were at the hands of strangers. The rest was either family or family friends.
If this is any indication there’s a lot less to fear than we think – particularly in Canada where our crime rates are staggeringly low compared to our neighbours to the south.
However, stories like this make the news, and we really get into them. We can’t help it. They speak to our fears, they touch us where we are most tender and etch in us hundreds if not thousands of microscopic scars.
It’s why I rarely listen to the news on the radio, I don’t watch it on TV, and I’m selective about what I read. By default my kids aren’t taking it in, and I like it that way. I don’t want anyone telling me how to feel about the world. I’m informed, but my filters are set on high. After many years of this it feels voyeuristic to listen to a report like that of the Liknes couple and their grandson from Alberta, or anywhere other than my own backyard.
I’m choosing the lens through which I see the world with complete intention. I’m less anxious and more open because of it.
As a result I encourage my elementary age kids to ride their bikes or roller skate to school. They eagerly walk the five blocks to our post box to pick up the mail. Sometimes they stop at the playground en route. We do things smartly. They know their phone number and where they live. They have watches and almost always come home at the agreed time. And I consciously choose not to panic when they are 10 minutes late. Because, while numbers aren’t my thing, I know the chipmunk running through the culvert in the ditch is a million times more likely to distract them and cause a time delay than anything nefarious.
And by doing so I’m giving them the chance to learn responsibility and independence. To trust their instincts and live up to their word – or not – and feel the consequence of either choice. Hopefully all of this will ultimately give them the ability to get themselves to their job on time whether they are 16 or 25, to know that their word means something, and what it is to earn respect – be it from a friend, a professor or
an employer.
Kirsten Andrews offers Simplicity Parenting courses, workshops and private consultations in the Corridor and Lower Mainland. Visit Sea To Sky Simplicity Parenting on Facebook or www.SeaToSkySimplicityParenting.com.
