Sometimes it takes a death to learn how many people care. And the outpouring of love can be life-changing.
Exactly a year ago, my husband died after a battle with cancer that was discovered too late and had spread through his body. For eight months, Jon tried everything, starting with a massive, invasive surgery that revealed the extent of the cancer. Friends wore a path to his hospital bed, bringing him gifts, insisting he eat his tray of food and telling him how awful he looked in his hospital gown, with machines and wires attached to his body.
After he came home to our two daughters and me, he began with wrenching chemotherapy, a treatment that was to extend his life but instead, in the words of his oncologist, almost killed him. With his first round of chemo, he lost so much weight that he dropped to 112 lb. He was a walking skeleton, and we were heartbroken, but we still clung to hope.
Almost every day, a friend or neighbour was in our yard to fix our fence, shovel snow or split wood. Every week, a group of friends gathered around our dining room table to spend time with him. Other friends from afar arrived with lasagnas and cakes to show they cared.
Perhaps none of this is new to anyone who has experienced illness in the family, but what surprises us is that the outpouring of love still continues. A year after Jon’s death, people are still regularly checking on the girls and me, and friends are helping us sell our former house. They are mowing the lawn, painting the trim, meeting with the realtor on our behalf and doing myriad things friends would not normally do.
When I say thank you, they tell me I am being silly, that they are happy to help and need no thanks.
When I worried about finances, others unexpectedly paid our moving expenses and gave my daughters money for their university books. We’re doing fine, but they wanted to help, so we accepted it.
And this week, when we posted photos of Jon on social media marking a year since his death, the outpouring of support and love was again overwhelming, with more than 100 people contacting us to let us know they care.
The lesson is: You have many more friends than you think. And they care far more than you will ever believe.
