January is a time of beginnings. The old year has been swept away and we are faced with all of the possibilities of the new. The year is ours to create, which is exciting and daunting.
Many people use the momentum of this time to change. But how do we decide what to work on?
Often, we target areas in which we feel stuck. We hope the energy of this time of year and our new resolve will enable us to succeed. Sometimes this actually works, but more often people just add another failure to their list. Why is this?
It can be because we don't understand why we're stuck. The problem we have identified may have originally been a solution to a different problem. An example of this is when someone successfully loses weight, but puts it on again. There are many possible explanations, but one reason might be that the weight is their excuse, protecting them from moving forward in their lives, which frightens them. To make the change permanent, they need to figure out and address the underlying issues.
Another example of an area that people target to change is their use of alcohol, tobacco or other drugs. Being overweight and overindulging in substances are both barriers to optimal fitness and health. However, many people use, or overeat, because it enables them to numb out and not think or feel about other areas of their lives. Often people succeed in quitting or using less and even maintain it, but then need to face the chaos they have made of their lives. Many have the courage to do so, and continue making changes until they have reclaimed both life and health.
So while deciding what in your life needs to shift, look at all the areas in which you feel stuck. What might it be serving? Is it an excuse not to strive or thrive in some way? Does it give you the means to numb yourself to your unhappiness? Does it enable you to stay in your unsatisfying relationship? Is it satisfying someone else's needs? Does it help you to stay in an unhealthy role in your family? Does it give you the excuse to stay in a job you dislike?
There is always a reason for every one of our feelings. Our feelings give us information about things of importance to us, especially our feeling of being stuck. We have to listen, become aware of this feeling and think about it. Once we know some of what it is serving - and there can be layers of reasons - we are able to kindly and gently take the small steps to change either the circumstance or ourselves.
The new year: A time of resolution and change. If you want to ride that energy, spend time exploring your reasons with acceptance and kindness. Then decide what you might want to shift, and do so, as gently as possible.
