I weigh a good 25 pounds more than I did this time last year when I moved to Squamish permanently.
I went from a size zero to a… largish-medium.
My stomach puffs out and I have some junk in my trunk, as the kids say.
I am like the before in one of those before and after diet advertisements.
People see pictures of me taken not that long ago (like the one with this column) and say, “When was this?” in that way you know they think you looked better back then.
I know most people would likely say the thinner woman was more “attractive.”
But you know what? I like me better this way.
The thinner me, she fit much better into clothes, she was never shy in a bathing suit, and she secretly loved saying she was a zero at the store, but she was also sick.
The old me, she used to have to hang on to walls because her blood sugar would plummet, making her feel faint. She felt cold all the time. She was never hungry, because her body had given up telling her to be hungry.
She was anxious more than she was happy. Most importantly, she spent way, way too much time thinking about what she had eaten and if she had burned off the calories.
Her kids said, "Are you eating with us today mom,” at mealtimes. How crazy is that?
Before you write me letters, I know there are healthy ways to be thin and there are people who are naturally svelte. I get it.
But for me it wasn’t natural and the work to be thin is no longer worth it.
I am healthy now.
I go to the gym four times a week and I love it – I usually stop and get some fruit and some almond M&Ms after. I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full. I don’t give a darn about the scale.
My husband, he liked the zero, he admits, but he likes my smile now – and the junk in the trunk.
And hopefully I am teaching my sons to pursue partners who aspire to be role models, not super models.
So, I am sorry if my new look disappoints, but frankly I am done with a culture that prefers me sick.
