I was recently chatting with a friend, also a parent, who said that about every four months or so he starts to feel The Itch and knows it's time to go off somewhere to "find himself again." He said if he doesn't do so, he is very aware of his inability to be the dad and husband to his family that he wants to be.
As I was preparing for my third solo getaway of any significant amount of time since becoming a mom almost seven years ago, I reflected on what this man had said. What does it mean for a parent to have "me time?" Is it necessary? By his count, I might be on my 20th retreat, holiday or otherwise personal adventure, not my third! What a decadent notion that was.
Neither of my first two trips were all-out vacations. In fact, the first was planned in a fit of desperation to cop a few nights of much-needed sleep and I jumped at a cheap airfare that took me to Las Vegas (honestly) to visit some friends and take up temporary residence in their guest room. I went to the one show they both performed in and otherwise slept the entire time I was there.
As I write this, I am in the metropolis of Montreal, having just returned from an incredible weekend in New York City. The road trip took a gal pal and me there and back within 48 hours. I am amazed at what we were able to wedge into such a short amount of time. I had few expectations aside from the obvious: experience the bustle of the Big Apple, take in a Broadway show if the opportunity presented itself, eat some incredible food and catch up with an old friend. Whatever shape that took and in whichever manner was fine with me. I had a blast, ultimately because I was in the moment.
Transferring this notion to daily life at home isn't a big stretch. We mustn't spend our time looking forward to next week, tomorrow or even five minutes from now. Granted, when you are taking care of children this can be a tough row to hoe. Fantasizing about a warm bath and a glass of wine in the midst of lost backpacks, unmade lunches, and stepping on toys that could simply take up residence on a nearby shelf is easy to do.
I suppose the point isn't that this is easy work; it's merely necessary work. As the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn recommends: "When you wash the dishes, just wash the dishes."
The same can be applied to parenting. We must enjoy the time we are given: time to embrace that little child who is offering a hug, to live in that story we are reading, or to get down on the floor and play with the trains.
As of Day 5 of my week away, I feel myself "coming back" and have experienced many gifts that have given me pause and a renewed sense of purpose. I can now say I know the meaning of what it is to have breathing space from the daily routine of kids and family, house and work. It's not that I didn't understand it intellectually before, but I can now feel it in my being. And I'm certain I will go home better for it, and be able to parent better for it, too - for a while.
Then I may just have to do it all over again.
Kirsten Andrews offers Simplicity Parenting workshops and courses throughout the Sea to Sky Corridor. Visit www.SeaToSkySimplicityParenting.com and Facebook for more information or email her at [email protected].
