Did you know that you could have as many as 50,000 thoughts a day? Imagine if many of those 50,000 thoughts were negative ones. How would you feel? What would you achieve? How much energy would you have?
Unfortunately, for the average person, many of those thoughts are negative e.g. "No-one ever takes me seriously"; "that business idea won't work"; "I'll never be any good at problem solving"; "nothing ever goes right for me"; "life's tough."
When you think these kinds of negative thoughts they can trap you into a "victim" state of mind. You blame, criticize, complain and allow external circumstances and events to control you and how you feel. If you think negative thoughts for long enough, you can end up assuming (often falsely) that these things are actually true. When you feel like a victim, it's hard to find energy for the things you want to do and to take responsibility for your own actions and decisions.
Psychologists refer to this negative talk as "victim language." Clues that can indicate you may have become stuck in a negative spiral of thoughts and feelings include words and phrases like: I have to relocate; I've got to give up the idea of getting my ideal job; I must spend more time reading, I should be making more progress; etc.
Really? Who says so?
Research suggests that 95 per cent of the time we operate on autopilot, i.e. we act without much conscious attention to those thousands of thoughts that enter our head every minute of every day, so it's easy to get stuck in the vicious cycle of negative thinking and negative self-talk.
The opposite of being on autopilot is to be mindful, i.e. to pay more attention to what you say and how you say it. So, to get more of what you want from your life, practice using empowering language that puts you in control of your choices and decisions, e.g. How can I make this business idea work?; I am capable of learning IT skills; I choose to relocate, I've decided to...give up that idea, I want to spend more time reading, I've agreed to change my hours at work.
Much of the time we feel under pressure to please others, or meet others' expectations. It can be liberating to remember that, aside from physical force, no one can make you do anything. If you can live with the consequences of your decisions, you aren't stuck with anything.
Remembering this can enable you step back from feeling that you have to/should/must and put you in a stronger position to make different decisions, based on what's important to you. In turn, you will feel better about yourself and those choices you make.
Hazel Morley is principal of Think Smart: Training and Coaching with Change in Mind. She can be contacted at [email protected].
