Parents need to stop using their children as an advertisement for their family brand.
There, I said it.
And now a disclaimer: Parenting advice makes me cringe. With one grown and three teen sons, I know only one thing for sure – there is no right way to raise a child. What works for one kid backfires with another. And the mistakes I have made as a mom could fill Alice Lake.
But talk to enough older parents and a theme emerges. Older parents think younger parents should stop hovering and striving for perfection.
Experts agree.
A recent University College London study found that overparenting can limit a child’s independence and leave her less able to regulate her own behaviour.
The study identified examples of control such as invasions of children’s privacy and an unwillingness to let children make their own decisions, thus fostering dependence on parents.
From Stan Clarke Park, where parents hover literally inches from their three-year-old as he climbs the nearly accident-proof play structure, to the coffee shop where parents of teens compete over their knowledge of their child’s test scores, whereabouts, passwords and college applications, modern moms and dads seem to see their children as a reflection of their own profile and so micromanage into perfection every detail of their kids’ lives.
Increasingly, university professors are seeing parents of students contacting them about test and assignment scores, and even to ask about roommate troubles. This has become so much of an issue that many universities, including UBC, offer helpful guides for parents on how to be involved in a student’s life.
This all can’t be healthy for the children, or their parents. Ask any senior if life worked out exactly as planned and I bet you the senior will say “no.” Life takes twists and turns that can’t be micromanaged. Children need to grow into adults who can take a hit, and who can fail, fail again and keep on going. If kids can’t explore, scrape a knee, get dirty, be the worst on the team, get a D, have a zit and apply for college themselves, how are they going to make it through the mess that is real life?
So, lighten up, trust your kids and hang on for the ride.
