Editor’s note: in case it isn’t entirely obvious, this is a piece of satire.
I left social media a year ago. I couldn’t stand it anymore, but I still rely on my partner to keep me informed about the goings-on in town.
Sure, The Chief might cover the “news,” but Facebook gives me the dirt: it offers the story behind the story. This morning, my partner read a Facebook post aloud that just about made me spew coffee from my nose.
Thanks to social media, it didn’t take long for me to see that some of the fears around Mayor-Elect Elliott’s judgement may not be so unfounded. And the source? The mayor herself! In a post on October 25, the mayor said, “Celebrated 20 years of the Squamish River Watershed Society tonight and the contributions of Edith Tobe (and I brought home four cupcakes, which is good because I told my girls they would get more cake if I became mayor).”
Let’s analyze this for a moment. The Marie Antoinette-like admission from the mayor-elect that she accepted gifts from a local non-profit is bad enough, but that she had told her children that this, in fact, would be a regular occurrence through her tenure raises so many red flags.
How can we, the ratepayers of Squamish, ensure that our taxes aren’t being misused? How do we know that the mayor-elect’s sweet tooth is not driving policy?
What is actually going on when council goes in camera?
The thought is frightening. Is this a Rob Ford redux? Are we going to find our mayor hanging around behind Tall Tree Bakery? Will videos of her scarfing back cinnamon buns make the rounds heaping shame on our community?
The new council will need to act quickly if Squamish and its reputation is to be safe.
First, mayor-elect Elliott needs to recuse herself from any decision involving streams, water, and fish as a result of this cupcake eating. Secondly, the mayor should not attend any event in which cake is served — this may have to be expanded to include any kind of sweet at all, but for the moment there’s not need to get rash.
Finally, a task force needs to be established to examine whether Squamish needs to look at prohibiting cake precursors into the community. This will include, but not necessarily be limited to, flour, sugar, milk, eggs, and, yes, even chocolate.
It’s not a pleasant thought, but rational minds must prevail, for the very foundation of our community is at stake.
Let them eat cake, indeed! Not in Squamish, I say!
