Not everyone believes it’s possible to come back from a life of addiction on the streets, but I am here to say it is possible.
Not only is it possible, but I am thriving.
I am one of the lucky ones, but I don’t think things are going in the right direction when it comes to the war on drugs.
I can’t say that it’s been an easy road, but finally, getting better became a life-or-death thing.
There was no other choice.
There was no option of getting worse because worse meant dying.
My last overdose really scared me.
I should be dead from that one.
The doctor who helped had a hard time finding my pulse. It is a miracle that I didn’t die. My family worried about me enough to keep checking on me, and that saved my life.
Now, after years of struggle and pain, things in my life are totally different. I have just moved from Under One Roof into my new home. The first real home I’ve had in 35 years. It’s a nice brand new one bedroom with a patio where I have my flowers growing. It’s quiet here, and I have to say I was scared to move, to be on my own. But I’m here, and I’m living my life and making my way.
The other day my friends and family were over. They were surprised and impressed with my new space, but still, I heard someone say, “Hopefully, she will make it this time,” a reference to the countless times I relapsed and disappointed everyone.
But I can tell you, I feel at last that I am finished with cocaine and heroin.
The fact that I am able to sit in the overdose prevention site, and have no cravings, is something of a miracle because I don’t honestly think I will ever use illicit drugs again.
I work at the overdose prevention site.
It’s my job, as a peer witness, to make sure others are safe from fatal overdose. I took a course called Street Degree to become a peer witness.
This has been a game changer for me. It has given me a sense of purpose and belonging. It’s the latest part of my recovery – from hell, from a life that was out of control.
I’ll tell you this: I have sat and watched coke being cooked into rock and smoked, and I have no desire for the drug anymore. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone. But as I sit and watch night after night, I get to thinking. I think the direction the government is taking in regard to fighting the war on drugs is wrong and backwards. I think that children should be educated early, and prevention should be emphasized. When I started using cocaine at 15 years old, I was immediately hooked, and it took me down a path of destruction and despair. I wish I had been knowledgeable enough to say no the first time.
Nicola Keate is a Squamish resident and peer witness. She participates in the “Writers Write” workshop at Under One Roof, which is funded by Squamish Arts.
