Can we officially declare that Hollywood has run out of ideas?
Looking at the list of summer "blockbusters" coming to a cinema near you has left me somewhat flabbergasted.
First and foremost is the brilliant idea of turning a beloved board game into a feature-length film. Of course, I'm talking about Battleship.
I like explosions and random violence as much as the next guy, but the whole concept of turning a board game where you blurt out locations hoping to find your opponent's ship into a two-hour movie is ridiculous.
The only reason the film was even called Battleship is for marketing reasons. It has no real tie to the game at all, but chances are it will give me nothing but bad memories the next time I lie about the location of my ship while playing the game. Sorry for fibbing Dad.
It wouldn't be a summer without unnecessary sequels, either. Case in point: Men In Black Three. To be honest, I barely remembered that they made a second in the series and the whole thing just seems so tired. It's not the late '90s anymore; people have forgotten about the X-Files/alien stuff and the special effects look dated. However, I would like to know Will Smith's secret: It appears he hasn't aged since The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
If sequels don't annoy moviegoers enough, Hollywood just loves doing remakes, resets or "updates." Do we really need a new version of Total Recall? The 1990 version was fine and actually still holds up today. They'll probably even get rid of that weird three-breasted alien woman that blew my mind as a youngster the first time I saw it.
It's only been five years since Peter Parker went emo in Spiderman 3, but apparently that was long enough for the powers that be to decide to reset the entire franchise. In my opinion, it's way too soon to start over and this new Spiderman looks like a Grade 8 student at Don Ross Secondary School.
But don't fret. There's always Batman who usually fails to disappoint. The Dark Knight Rises should be good because Christopher Nolan doesn't make bad movies. We can only pray.
Above all, I think moviegoers want more originality and less rehashing of older material.
In the meantime, cinema aficionados can look forward to 2013 and the big screen adaptation of Scrabble. Just kidding I hope.
