I now know why it's called Thanksgiving: It's because that's what empty-nest parents do on Monday when their adult children leave and head back to wherever they live. "Thank God they're gone again," goes the sigh.
The thing about kids even adult-sized ones is that they take space, and when you're not used to it, it can be exhausting.
From almost the moment they walked through the door on Thanksgiving, our kids fell back into their old patterns. "There's no food in this house," was the second sentence from my daughter's mouth. That was preceded by, "Hi loser" and the one that followed was, "I'm taking the car."
My wife and I sat gobsmacked. Is this the way we've raised them? Are these the adults they've become?
Now, I'll admit we could have done things better. My son was a little miffed that his bedroom had become the sauna room, and my daughter was kind of upset that hers was now my office. But they were being a little melodramatic. It's not like we didn't have anywhere for them to sleep.
I mean didn't we go next door and borrow the air mattress from the neighbours? It's not like we made them sleep on the floor or anything. And anyway, they used to love camping. It used to be that we could set a tent in the backyard, invite some of their friends over, and that would be the finest gift we could give them.
Not anymore, apparently. Now they want a bed and a room of their own. It took all my self-control not to shout, "Hey, you got that at your own place. If having all those luxuries is so important, why are you here?" Nevertheless, I held my tongue.
Thanksgiving weekend is a good illustration of why most parents, according to a recent study out of Simon Fraser University, do not suffer "empty-nest syndrome."
The study, which surveyed just over 300 families in the Lower Mainland found that only 28 per cent reported suffering from empty-nest syndrome. Those were the people, I suppose, who didn't take over their children's living space and modify it for their own comfort.
Talking to a lot of parents of young children, I know that they often can't imagine that their child will one day leave. "Nor can you imagine," I tell them, "the horrible creatures your children will become when they are teenagers."
But that's just life. Teenagers give their parents grief to establish their independence and to break the bonds. Most are quite pleasant away from home and many parents have looked quizzically at me when I've said at parent teacher interviews, "Bobby or Suzy is very polite."
"Are you sure we're talking about the same kid?" is the usual response.
The hope is that when they leave, they're safe and healthy and that they live productive independent lives. Mine, I'm happy to say, are so far; so saying goodbye isn't that heartbreaking. It's a bit of a relief, actually. And having the space and time at home is just an added bonus.
Now if only we could just get rid of the dog.
